Welcome to THE BALANCE PROJECT: a series of relevant and refreshingly candid interviews featuring inspiring and accomplished women talking about balance. I’ve always been curious about how women I admire manage the tragically glorified “doing it all” craze. So I asked them. As I suspected, no one really does “it all.” Everyone’s making sacrifices somewhere. And that should make us all feel a little better. I hope the conversation will be steered toward that reality rather than toward the flawed and dangerous assumption that we should try—or even want to try—to perfectly do “it all.”

By the way, looking for THE BALANCE PROJECT novel that was inspired by these interviews? It’s here.

No. 137: Kimberla Lawson Roby, Author and Speaker

Age: 50
Where I live:
 Belvidere, IL
Job: Author and Speaker
Kids: One stepson, 39

Roby_Kimberla1AuthorPhotoHave you changed jobs or adjusted anything in your career to have more balance?
About a year ago, I finally made the decision to stop saying, “yes” to everyone. For nearly two decades, I’d felt a certain sense of guilt whenever I wanted to say “no” to family members, friends, or career-related acquaintances—so I rarely did—even though I knew my plate was much too full. However, when I suddenly found myself simultaneously writing day and night, trying to meet a tight deadline, and also traveling four weeks straight to speaking engagements, I ended up in the ER. My heart raced, I had shortness of breath, and there was heaviness in my chest. I was terrified, and while my ER doctor thought I might be having congestive heart failure, I was ultimately diagnosed with having an anxiety/panic attack. So now, I have no problem saying “no,” and I feel so much better because of it. I have more balance in my life today than I’ve had since I wrote my first book.

Do you think having “it all” is realistic or overrated and why?
I believe it’s a bit overrated. My mom used to say, “Don’t try to have all of everything. Work on having a “little” of everything you want, and you’ll be so much happier.” I agree with her completely. I think it’s great to enjoy as much as you want in moderation, versus trying to live by an all-or-nothing sort of philosophy. That way you can spend quality time with your spouse, children, extended family members, and friends and enjoy a fulfilling career.

What part of “balance” can you just not seem to figure out?
Well, interestingly enough, I just can’t seem to figure out how to get in enough “me” time! I love spending time with my husband, family, friends, and readers, but unfortunately, I don’t have a real hobby. My husband worries about that and is constantly encouraging me to do more for myself; however, I don’t tend to make that a priority. I will say, though, that I do love getting hot stone massages, specifically because of how my shoulders feel from sitting for hours in front of a computer, so I’ve at least made a pact with myself to schedule one every single month.

What part of “balance” are you getting better at?
I’m much better at not working past 5:00 or 6:00 PM unless it’s absolutely necessary. I made this decision right before the new year, and I can already feel the benefits, both physically and mentally.

Do you have a favorite time management tool, hack, or other strategy you use that helps you achieve balance that you would recommend to others?
I’ve really been making a conscious effort toward balancing the amount of time I spend on social media and the Internet as a whole. Right now, I try not to be online via computer or smartphone between the hours of 7:00 PM to 7:00 AM daily. I’m also back on track with getting on the treadmill for thirty minutes every day before I begin working.

What was the best advice you ever heard on balance?
From your mother? “Don’t try to do everything all at once.”
From your spouse/partner? “Slow down your schedule, and do something for yourself.”

If you had one extra hour in each day and you couldn’t work or be with your family, how would you spend that hour?
Getting a hot stone massage!

What do you wish you’d known when you were 20?
That life really is very short (just as my mom told me), and that we should cherish each and every day as though it were our last.

What do you hope to know by time you’re 60?
That I am walking fully and completely in God’s purpose for my life, and that there are cures for all major illnesses.

What part of your home life do you wish you could outsource?
Cooking!

Whose job are you glad you don’t have?
A job that wouldn’t allow me (at least for part of each week) to work from my home office.

Favorite books?
Your Blues Ain’t Like Mine by Bebe Moore Campbell.

What are you reading right now?
Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success by Steve Harvey.

Biggest vices…
Activity?
 Watching “Law & Order” and “Law & Order: SVU” marathon episodes and perusing social media.
Food? Dessert—particularly cupcakes or just about any kind of cake!
Website? Google–I love researching everything.

How many hours do you generally sleep at night during the week?
For the most part, seven.

What do you read every morning?
A daily devotional email: “Today’s Word with Joel and Victoria,” the book, The Confident Woman Devotional: 365 Daily Inspirations by Joyce Meyer, and my own emails.

Complete the following sentences:
I think I: have a purpose to inspire, help, and motivate women, and my goal is to do a lot more in that area.
I wish I: could still spend time with my amazing mom, who passed away at age 57. I wish I could eliminate all forms of racism and sexism worldwide.

Do you have a personal motto or favorite saying?
Yes, my personal motto is: “Believe in God, believe in yourself, believe in whatever you are trying to accomplish—believe in that order.” —Kimberla Lawson Roby

Anything else you’d like to add?
Thank you so much for inviting me to participate in such a wonderful project! I absolutely love all that you’re doing, Susie!

?????About Kimberla:
Kimberla Lawson Roby is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of 23 books, including Casting The First Stone, Sin No More, Deep Dark Secret, The Perfect Marriage, The Ultimate Betrayaland Best Friends Forever. Her 24th title, A Sinful Calling, will be released in June 2016. She has been featured in numerous publications such as the New York Times, Essence, Writer’s Digest, The Writer, Ebony, and upscale, to name a few, and she is the 2013 NAACP Image Award winner for Outstanding Literary Work–Fiction. Kimberla speaks at many events around the country, and in 1996, after receiving numerous rejection letters from both literary agents and publishers, she founded her own company Lenox Press. It was then that she self-published her debut novel, Behind Closed Doors, and within two months, she signed with an agent and a major publishing house for her second book. Kimberla resides in Illinois with her wonderful husband, Will, of 25 years.

Find out more about Kimberla:
www.kimroby.com
Facebook: KimberlaLawsonRoby
Twitter: KimberlaLRoby
Instagram: kimberlalawsonroby

WANT TO READ MORE ABOUT WORK-LIFE BALANCE? CHECK OUT MY NOVEL THE BALANCE PROJECT!

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