Welcome to THE BALANCE PROJECT: a series of relevant and refreshingly candid interviews featuring inspiring and accomplished women talking about balance. I’ve always been curious—and maybe a little obsessed—about how women I admire manage the tragically glorified “doing it all” craze. So I asked them. As I suspected, no one really does “it all.” Everyone’s making sacrifices somewhere. And that should make us all feel a little better. I hope the conversation will be steered toward that reality rather than toward the flawed and dangerous assumption that we should try—or even want to try—to perfectly do “it all.”

BY THE WAY…

  • Looking for THE BALANCE PROJECT, the novel that was inspired by these interviews? It’s here.
  • The Balance Project interview series recently celebrated its first birthday!
  • Fortune ran a feature about The Balance Project.
  • Want to be a part of The Balance Project? Complete the interview.

No. 85: Melissa Marks Papock, Founder & President of Cabana Life sun protective beachwear

Age: 40 (yikes)
Where I live:
 Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida (Jacksonville area); recently moved from CT/NY area
Job: Founder & President of Cabana Life sun protective beachwear
Kids: A daughter, Devon, age 10, a daughter Sasha, age 7, and a son, Branson, age 2

RF3_3418Is the job you have now the same one you had before kids? If not, how and why did you change directions?
Right before I had my first daughter, I finally gave birth to my brainchild, Cabana Life. It had been incubating for years since I was diagnosed at age 26 with a malignant melanoma (sexy word for skin cancer). After much research and preparation, I incorporated Cabana Life sun protective beachwear. I thought that giving up my fashion magazine career to become an entrepreneur would provide work-life balance and flexibility. While becoming an entrepreneur did in fact deliver flexibility (the flexibility to work all hours tirelessly without anyone saying you are absolutely crazy), finding “balance” has eluded me for the last 10+ years.

Have you changed jobs or adjusted anything in your career to have more balance?
My husband recently relocated my whining, reluctant butt to Florida for a change of pace and weather. While we agreed to hold onto our house in Connecticut “just in case,” I have to admit that going from a 2-hour commute into NYC to a 5-minute commute from our new home near the beach has helped me achieve more balance. While I’ve slowed down by my standards, I’m still considered a workaholic in this more laidback lifestyle. The move rocked my world, but it forced me to figure out a new normal, and I’m now grateful for the change.

Do you think having “it all” is realistic or overrated and why?
Both! I think having “it all” is realistic only if your definition of having it all is doing everything, but none of it perfectly. You have to be OK with imperfection because it is physically impossible to do everything well at all times. That’s also where “overrated” plays in. Behind every “have it all” façade is an admirable woman wishing she were doing things better, more or differently.

What part of “balance” can you just not seem to figure out?
Sacrifice. As a Libra, my life often feels like one giant, teetering scale. Unfortunately, I sometimes sacrifice my basic personal needs (i.e., sleep, food, exercise, and showers) in order to satisfy the demands of balancing work and family.

What part of “balance” are you getting better at?
Acceptance. It is the key to feeling any pangs of balance. While nothing is perfect, things are perfectly fine.
**I accept that I’m not the mother on Pinterest baking treats from scratch for a class party. I’ll bring the bottled water, which I’ll grab on the way and likely be 3-8 minutes late arriving.
**I accept that I’ll never be too far ahead of anything (most likely behind).
**I accept that I’ll always be thinking, and reminding myself to be in the moment.
**I accept that I’ll likely pass out from exhaustion before engaging in a 40-worthy bedtime beauty regiment.
**I accept that my kids aren’t going to see perfection, but hopefully they see a mom who is doing everything she wants to do with strength, perseverance, and passion.

What was the best advice you ever heard on balance?
From a mentor/co-worker? When I was single and 20-something at Seventeen Magazine, my perpetually harried boss would run out for her countless kid obligations muttering, “Na enough time in da day,” in a funny accent. She also admitted to applying a tampon in the car once because she “forgot,” and other behaviors that I found totally INSANE at the time. While it wasn’t necessarily advice, now that I’m in her same stressed shoes and find myself doing unthinkable things in my car (makeup, pumping, eating, and even the dreaded forgotten tampon), I feel a comforting sense of camaraderie. You have to accept the insanity and chaos part of “having it all.”
From your mother? My mother instilled in me unrelenting perseverance, as she knew how to get what she wanted done. She was also the “perfect” class mom, Brownie leader, and always available supermom. I now use my determination and self-imposed mom guilt to try to find balance with an impossible amount of demands on my plate. In doing this, I also remind myself I’m taking a different path and perfection isn’t an option.
From your spouse? 
My husband fortunately lets me do my thing, without giving much advice. As a man of action, he balances out my shortcomings by jumping in as the tutor, carpool driver, and other helpful household efforts (not always neatly I might add, but I’ll take it).
From your kids? 
My wise-beyond-her-years daughter recently served up the best life lesson. I was trying to illustrate by my actions the importance of not freaking out over little things, because all it does is get you upset and nowhere. One step ahead she said, “Let me bring it down to school talk: If you are getting the easy questions wrong, you are DEFINITELY going to get the hard ones wrong.”

Personally, I find it hard to actually listen to advice on balance, because in your head you know all of the things you are juggling and it seems impossible that anyone else can figure it out for you.

If you had one extra hour in each day and you couldn’t work or be with your family, how would you spend that hour?
Wow! Exercise, maybe yoga? Grab a drink with friends? Have ALONE time? Sounds decadent.

What do you wish you’d known when you were 20?
Everything I know now! Perspective is an amazing thing. When you are in your 20s, you should enjoy every second being carefree, while alternatively putting extreme care into the decisions that ultimately impact the rest of your life. Nobody really comprehends the latter in your 20s.

What do you hope to know by the time you’re 60?
I hope I’ll know a whole lot more than I do right now. I’ll see with clarity the impact, shortcomings, and successes of my “having it all” pursuit of today. Fingers crossed that I’m pleased with my 60-year-old perspective of my 40-something actions.

What one part of your home life do you wish you could outsource?
Cooking and cleaning. Since my husband is relatively helpful and works from home with a flexible schedule, he is very picky about who is working in the home and the value they add. This hinders my dream delegation efforts and having total control.

Whose job do you wish you had?
Author. You rely on yourself, not overseas factories and a ton of other people around the world to execute your vision. Writing a book is on my bucket list. Starting Cabana Life has been an adventure with a cast of characters and mishaps that would make a hysterical business book. Perhaps I’d prefer being a children’s author instead (seems lovely).

Whose job are you glad you don’t have?
Teacher. I’d never have the patience. They are saints.

Favorite books?
Admittedly, reading isn’t part of my “having it all.” However, I do belong to a wine-infused book club with very smart and inspirational women. The reality is I only attend 1 out of 5 meetings and never read the book, but at least I can speak knowledgably about The Goldfinch. It is the equivalent of my 40-year-old CliffsNotes.

What are you reading right now?
My book club will be reading Inside the Mind of the Western Jihadist by Shiraz Maher. Does that count?

Biggest vices…
Activity? 
Multitasking!
Food? Cheese and nuts (preferably with wine and friends, who can also count as the nuts in this equation).
Website? Houzz.

How many hours do you generally sleep at night during the week?
Between factory questions from overseas, a geriatric dog, and a 2-year-old, I consider a spotty 6-7 hours a good night.

What do you read every morning?
As soon as I open my eyes, I read and answer emails from our overseas office to catch questions during their work hours.

Complete the following sentences:
I think I: am doing the best I possibly can trying to have “it all,” and I’m HOPEFULLY positively impacting the development of my kids, my self, my marriage, and my company.
I wish I: will look back on this time and be proud and content with my path.
My kids: are a pleasant reminder that I’m not totally screwing up this parenting thing, as they continuously amaze, amuse, and accept me.

Do you have a personal motto or favorite saying?
If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done!

RF3_3375Anything else you’d like to add?
As I type these answers, it is 3:43 AM US time and I’m sitting next to my oldest daughter on a 16-hour flight to Hong Kong for some special mommy time (mixed with a little business of course). While it is not your conventional spring break, I hope our little adventure makes her feel special, opens her eyes to new places, and allows her a glimpse of the things mommy passionately works on. Sounds lovely, until you consider the stress of my passport arriving within 1 hour of our departure after a debacle with the Chinese consulate in Los Angeles. I’m glad I’ve learned to see the perfection in my “imperfections,” as that is the only way to ever have “it all.”

xcabana-logo.png.pagespeed.ic.83HiJl5jkJAbout Cabana Life
Founded by a skin cancer survivor Melissa Papock, Cabana Life combines fashion with function by providing 50+ UV protection throughout the entire collection. Widely recognized for its vibrant prints, flattering silhouettes, and stylish interpretation of the ever-popular rashguard, Cabana Life’s “beach chic” aesthetic fuses classical nautical elements with current trends in a timeless fashion.

SUTCAs a part of its mission, Cabana Life regularly partners with like-minded charities to emphasize the importance of everyday UV protection and fund sun safety awareness initiatives. This summer the brand is very excited to partner with Stand Up To Cancer with a limited edition rash guard in which all net proceeds will go to melanoma research. The brand is regularly touted amongst fashion insiders with media features in O, The Oprah Magazine, Travel + Leisure, People StyleWatch, The Today Show, Wall Street Journal and on A list celebrities including Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Hudson, and Nicole Kidman.

PastedGraphic-2PastedGraphic-2

Find out more about Melissa and Cabana Life here:
www.cabanalife.com
Twitter: @cabanalife
Facebook: CabanaLife
Instagram: cabanalife
Pinterest: cabanalife

WANT TO READ MORE ABOUT WORK-LIFE BALANCE? CHECK OUT MY NEW NOVEL THE BALANCE PROJECT!

Related Posts
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 1: Jessica Mindich, Entrepreneur
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 2: Veronica Beard, Fashion Designer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 3: Emily Liebert, Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 4: Lyss Stern, Mom-trepreneur
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 5: Lauren Slayton, Nutritionist
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 6: Elizabeth Moyer, Blogger
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 7: Annabel Monaghan, Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 8: Holly Gordon, Director
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 9: Jill Salzman, Entrepreneur
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 10: Jennifer Levinson, Jen’s List
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 11: Jenny Hutt, Media Personality
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 12: Angela Santomero, Kids’ Media Creator
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 13: Carola Donato, Yogi
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 14: Tiffany Washington, Pastry Designer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 15: Emily Giffin, Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 16: Alana Sanko, Writer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 17: Cara Lemieux, Journalist
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 18: Liz Fenton & Lisa Steinke, Authors
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 19: Nikki Mark, Author & Foundation Director
Shonda Rhimes on Doing It All
Indra Nooyi on Balance
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 21: Jill Bryan, Comedian
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 22: Cindy Callaghan, Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 23: Stephanie Hirsch, Artist
My Times of India Interview on Work-Life Balance
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 24: Whitney Dineen, Author/Baker
AmEx’s Sobbott on Balance
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 25: J0-Laine Duke-Collins, Dessert Stylist
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 26: Whitney English, Entrepreneur
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 27: Jennifer Gooch Hummer, Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 28: Melissa Amster, Book Blogger
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 29: Nigel Marsh, Author and Entrepreneur
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 30: DayNa Decker, Entrepreneur
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 31: Amy Selling, Blogger
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 32: Heather Sonnenberg, Entrepreneur
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 33: Allison Winn Scotch, Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 34: Bibi Kasrai, Entrepreneur and Chef
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 35: Karen Sutton MD, Orthopaedic Surgeon
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 36: Samantha Ettus, Balance Expert, Author, TV/Radio Personality
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 37: Pam Yudko, Holistic Health and Transformational Coach
THE BALANCE PROJECT| No. 38: Nancy Huang, Nonprofit Outreach Director
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 39: Mary Laura Philpott, Writer, Editor and Illustrator
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 40: Towanda Long, Marketing Communications Specialist
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 41: Kristyn Kusek Lewis, Writer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 42: Tracy Pollan, Actor and Writer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 43: Christianne Phillips, Fitness Consultant and Writer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 44: Susannah Lewis, Writer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 45: Kimi Culp, Producer, Author and Creative Consultant
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 46: Traci Bild, Entrepreneur
The Balance Project Interview Series Turns 1!
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 47: Laura Vanderkam, Journalist and Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 48: Amy Tara Koch, Style Expert and Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 49: Cozy Friedman, Kids’ Hair Expert
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 50: Bobbii Hach-Jacobs, Music Promoter
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 51: Niketa Jhaveri, Game Creator and Web Designer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 52: Sheri Silver, Blogger
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 53: Lori Pollan, Cookbook Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 54: Chatón Turner, Attorney and Blogger
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 55: Joanne Wilson, Investor and Blogger
T
HE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 56: Nicola Kraus, Author and Creative Coach
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 57: Shiri Sarfati, Marketing Expert
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 58: Audrey McClelland, Entrepreneur and Blogger
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 59: Jessica Lahey, Writer and Teacher
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 60: Lindsay Bressler, Entrepreneur
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 61: Marie Claire Lim Moore, Banker, Author and Speaker
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 62: Stacey Ballis, Novelist and Cookbook Writer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 63: Amy Hochhauser: Co-Founder, JoyRide Cycling Studio
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 64: Molly Sims, Actress, Author and Humanitarian
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 65: Colleen Oakley, Writer and Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 66: Nichole Montoya, CEO of Cheddar Up
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 67: Eileen Palma, Author and Instructor
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 68: Adina Grigore, Founder of S.W. Basics
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 69: Dana Pollan, Writer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 70: Melissa Hawks, Owner, The Well Appointed House
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 71: Emily Greenspan, Art Consultant
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 72: Michelle Hodges, Software Executive and See Girl Be Founder
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 73: Kendra Basner Mallen, Attorney
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 74: Alysa Bajenaru, Dietitian and Writer
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 75: Anita Shepherd, Founder of Anita’s Yogurt
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 76: Dana Marlowe, President of IT Consulting Firm
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 77: Jill Royster, Marketing Consultant
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 78: Debra Olshan Cooper, Entrepreneur
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 79: Zainab Zaki, Technology Product Manager
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 80: Marisa de los Santos, Novelist
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 81: Kamy Wicoff, Writer and Publisher
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 82: Kristy Woodson Harvey, Writer and Blogger
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 83: Jane Green, Author
THE BALANCE PROJECT | No. 84: Meredith Schorr, Author and Paralegal